i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
