you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
