I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
