im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
