I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
