He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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