We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
