You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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