He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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