You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
