Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
