Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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