I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
