Already got asked if we're dating
He passed out mid-signature
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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