hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
accomplished twins. life is a go
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
