So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
