do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
