I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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