I can't breathe out the right side of my face
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
