I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
