my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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