I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
