first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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