I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
