He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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