Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
