Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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