I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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