Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
