that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
