This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
