i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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