Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
