One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
