Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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