He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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