You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
