Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
