New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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