i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
