sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When are your genitals available?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize