Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
