Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
