Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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