I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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