guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
