Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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