hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
