Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
