i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
