In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
