party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
