if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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