what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
