Please, let me fuck your mom
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
