I don't usually arrange sex via text message
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
