i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you never un-have a 4some
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
