Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
