I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
