everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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