He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
