so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
