Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize