so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
