Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
