when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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