I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
