smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
