found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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