you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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