I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
