The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
