i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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