i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
