if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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