Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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