And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh god it's open bar.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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