It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
