I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize