I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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