there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
