he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
